One Reason I Nearly Committed Suicide One Christmas Morning: Adverse Childhood Experiences

For years, I swore I would never kill myself as my so-called Christian father predicted I would when I was a kid, but stubbornness was no match for everything I’d endured by age 27, when I bought three boxes of sleeping pills Christmas morning. Although Psychology Today irresponsibly reported that “[p]sychiatrists believe” that over 90 percent of suicides are due to “a mental disorder” rather than a rational decision, I wasn’t delusional, depressed, or drunk when I stopped at Drug Mart on my way home from an ex-boyfriend’s house. I was done.

I was also a statistic.

The Adverse Childhood Experiences Study

Since the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention and Kaiser Permanente teamed up to study the long-term effects of adverse childhood experiences (ACE) such as neglect, domestic violence, and abuse in 1995, researchers have found that childhood trauma survivors are more likely than other people to attempt suicide. I suffered all three, beginning at age 4 when my mom’s OB-GYN clamped down on my brother’s head with forceps, causing brain damage, diabetes, and epilepsy. Once he was discharged from the hospital’s neonatal ICU, she laced me into roller skates, set me on the sidewalk, and instructed me to go make friends so she could focus on him for the next 28 years. She didn’t seem to notice or care that I stopped spending time downstairs and started eating all my meals, including holiday dinners, in my room at age 9 after my father knocked her out. By that point, he’d been holding her off the floor by her throat while calling her a pig, slut, whore, and cocksucker loudly enough for all of our new neighbors to hear for more than a year. With no hope of her leaving him, I decided to monitor the situation with my ears rather than the corner of my eye from that night forward.

As for abuse, my father:

  • swore at me
  • called me stupid on a regular basis
  • slammed my 9-year-old shoulders against the refrigerator when I stepped between him and my mom to get him to leave her alone
  • threatened to shave my head and send me to military school in fifth grade if I didn’t write a letter to a judge saying my mom was a bad mother
  • ordered my brother and me to get in the Thunderbird so he could drive us one highway exit away from the house, pretending to kidnap us while my mom cried in the driveway
  • spanked me with his wide, leather belt when I walked home from high school instead of taking the bus, and
  • volleyed my 17-year-old face between his hands, hitting me left-right-left-right-left-right, as my mom cried and begged him to stop.

My ACE score

At age 42, these memories added up to five “yes” responses when I took the ACE test, which predicts the extent childhood trauma will affect a survivor’s future. Answering yes to four or more questions means you’re bound to try to kill yourself because “your chances for a happy life [are] low, and your chances for a lousy life [are] high,” said Dr. Edward Hallowell, who wrote about his own ACEs for Psychology Today.

aces-2

That’s because childhood trauma survivors tend to:

  • become depressed;
  • call off from work, creating financial problems;
  • drink, use drugs, and/or smoke;
  • become obese;
  • develop diabetes;
  • contract an STD;
  • get cancer; and
  • suffer from heart problems

before they attempt suicide.

This makes sense.

  • In 2012, Brown University researchers discovered that childhood trauma can change a person’s genes, increasing his or her risk of developing depression and anxiety.
  • When you’re depressed, it’s difficult to get out of bed let alone go to a job you don’t enjoy.
  • happy hour signMillions of people drink, use prescription or recreational drugs, and/or smoke to make themselves feel better. Alcohol is a depressant, both drinking and smoking can cause cancer, and drugs can cause an overdose that leaves family and friends wondering if it was suicide or an accident.
  • People also turn to food for comfort. This can lead to lethargy, obesity, type 2 diabetes, and cancer, and sugar makes some people suicidal.
  • People often use sex as a form of escapism or to fill a void, leaving themselves vulnerable to STDs, especially if they get too drunk or high to care about using a condom. The STD HPV can cause cancer.
  • Depression usually coincides with anxiety, which is often mistaken for a heart attack, and both strain the heart.
  • Lastly, according to Psychology Today, people are more likely to commit suicide if they have both depression and anxiety.

“By rights, I should have become an alcoholic, suffered from major depression, been unable to earn a living and raise a family, and I probably should have died young, either by suicide or the ravages of alcoholism, depression, or drug abuse,” said Hallowell, who scored an 8 on the ACE test.

Instead, he became a psychiatrist who’s written 20 books, stayed married for 30 years, and raised three children “who are thriving.” He credited his success to love.

“[L]ove in its many different faces and places, love by chance, love on purpose, love on the fly, brief love, lasting love, love that was too embarrassed to name itself, broken love that got repaired – every kind of love you can imagine,” he said.

Funny, that’s what nearly killed me. That and the fact adverse childhood experiences don’t magically screech to a halt when you turn 18. Nearing 30, I knew mine weren’t going to end until somebody died. After being told I had HPV and needed surgery to remove high-grade cervical dysplasia that might be cancer, I was happy to go first.

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Immigration: What Would Jesus Do?

I think some people forgot what being a Christian means, so here’s a reminder: You are supposed to be Christ-like. That means thinking like him, talking like him, and acting like him SO YOU CAN BRING MORE PEOPLE TO HIM. Example: When a lawyer tried to trip up Jesus by asking him what the greatest commandment is, Jesus replied: Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.” The second-greatest commandment, he said, is to “love your neighbor as [much as you love] yourself. Allllllll the law and the prophets hang on these two commandments.”

Catch that? ALL. If you need a little more clarification, read this.

And if you really think Jesus would be traumatizing children by taking them from their parent(s) and locking them in cages, dog kennels, or anything else you prefer to call a chain-link enclosure, you need to change churches or start going to one.

Some thoughts from other people:

And lastly:

A Thank You and a Note to Those Who Are Underemployed

Since graduating summa cum laude as an English and communication double major in December 2009, I have worked as:

  • a data-entry clerk for a rare and antiquated book store that Anthony Bourdain visited while he was in Cleveland (Unfortunately, I was three years too late to meet him);
  • a substitute teacher (for unbelievably snotty high-school students 😡);
  • a pool attendant for a local yacht club (even though I sink like a stone);
  • a pharmacy technician (despite being a holistic chick);
  • a stock person at Marshalls (where I never shop);
  • a small-animal caretaker at Petco (please adopt hamsters, guinea pigs, lizards, snakes, and other creatures from Petfinder!); and, now,
  • a bakery clerk at a grocery store (although I’ve been a binge eater since age 17, and I became allergic to everything on the planet in 2013).

I wanted to be a magazine editor.

Waking up at 3 a.m. to walk to work at 4 and start work at 5 hasn’t been fun — especially when I keep reading about the astoundingly low unemployment rate. Worse, some people will kick you while you’re down. After reading my GoFundMe page, the friend of a Facebook friend told me I “failed at life.”

Such people don’t listen when you try to tell them, “If God doesn’t want you to have a job, you aren’t going to get one,” but if you read Seven Things You Need to Know About God (or the Bible), you know everything, including failure, happens for a reason.

Maybe you’re heading the wrong direction.

Maybe this is just the way your story needed to go for God to get you where he wants you.

Maybe you haven’t been using your gifts and talents to do what God put you on this Earth to do.

Maybe, as one pastor I listen to has said, you’re holding up your own deliverance. If so, I hope this post gives you the kick in the butt you need.

In the meantime, be grateful for the job you have, work as though you’re working for the lord, forgive those who hurt you, and thank the cheerful givers who help you. This morning, I woke up for work, and 17 minutes later, I received a GoFundMe email saying an anonymous person had donated $75 to help my pets and me move to a new place. If that person is you, please know that I’m beyond grateful.

How Joseph Got from the Pit to the Palace (A Darrell Scott Sermon)

If you read my About page before following this blog, you know I’ve felt like Job (minus the wealth), Joseph, and Jonah since I became a Christian in early 2014. Since I started memorializing my suffering in this memoir in May 2015, I have said to myself and others, “I know God isn’t going to let me up off the floor until I finish this thing.” That’s my faith. I’m about to put it into action by wrapping things up, admittedly because my April 11, 2018, post Seven Things You Need to Know About God put a promise God made me into motion in a pretty crazy way. Until I tell you more about that, here’s a transcript of a May 25, 2018, Darrell Scott sermon about Joseph. I hope it encourages you to put your own faith into action, as the Bible instructs, and I hope you’ll note that it was Joseph’s gift/talent that got him out of prison. 

it's all right it's all right[To get Joseph to the palace, God] didn’t start at the pit and work his way up to the palace, he started at the palace and worked his way back to the pit. And God said, I’m going to start at your place of purpose, then I’m coming back to get you, and I’m going to walk you through valleys of shadows, I’m gonna walk you through the midst of your enemies and take you to the place of your purpose. That’s why when Joseph finally got to where he was going, he looked at his brothers and said, “Y’know what? Y’all ain’t got no reason to be bound up. It’s all right.”

Look at somebody and say, “It’s all right. It’s all right.”

He said, “Because what you 11 Negroes meant for bad, God meant it for good. … [then he said] Y’all didn’t do this. Because I don’t want you to be able to take credit for it. It was God all the time.”

Look at somebody and say, “When you get where God is taking you, nobody else is going to be able to take credit for it but God.”

he memorialized his suffering in the naming of his sonHe got to the place of his purpose, and he memorialized his suffering in the naming of his son. He named his first son Manasseh. Manasseh means “God has made me forget all of my toil, all of my sorrow, all of my suffering, all of my pain.” He said God made me forget all of that and forget all of my father’s house. In other words, he said, I’ve forgotten all of the pain that my family has put me through. But in the naming of his forgetfulness was the remembrance of the incident because he was saying even though the pain is gone, I’ve gotta make sure that I never go through anything like that again.

Look at somebody and say, “I know they tell you to forgive and forget,” but tell somebody, “I don’t forgive and forget. I forgive and remember. I forgive, but I remember the way they did me. I forgive, but I remember how it hurt so that I will never be hurt like that ever again.”

He said, “I’ve gotta make sure I never go through anything like that again. Ain’t nobody ever gonna put me in a trick bag like that again.”

He named his second son Ephraim, which means “God has caused me to be fruitful in the land of my affliction.”

the land of your afflictionHow many of you know that God will not only make you forget all of the hurt and the pain and the tears and the suffering that you’ve been through these past years, but he’s going to make you fruitful and prosperous and successful, and he’s going to cause you to increase in the land in the place of your affliction? The Bible says, “[O]ur light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory; while we look not at the things which are seen but at the things which are not seen, for the things which are seen are temporal.” That means they’re subject to change.

Look at somebody and say, “You’re going through some stuff, but it’s only temporary.”

I'm not broke I'm just having a temporary cash flow interruption right nowTouch somebody and tell ’em, “I’m not broke. I’m just having a temporary cash flow interruption right now.”

Touch somebody and say, “What you’re going through is only temporary. It’s subject to change.”

That’s why the Bible says, “It was good for me that I was afflicted so that I might learn your statutes.” It was good that I might be afflicted so I could learn your purpose for my life. Because if I had stayed where I was and stayed who I was and stayed with who I was with, I could never get to where God desired to take me or be where God wanted me to be. If I had stayed the way I was, I could never have become what God desired me to be.

I'm on my way to my palace

Touch somebody right now and tell ’em, say, “I might be in a pit, but I’m on my way to my palace. I might be down, but I’m on my way up.” Say, “I might be out, but I’m on my way in. I might be broke, but I’m on my way to prosperity. I might be in a bad way, but I’m on my way to a good way.”

Touch somebody and say, “This situation I’m in is just a stopping point. I’m just stopping right here for a moment. Then I’m gonna keep it moving until I get where God wants me to be.”

And when Joseph got to that palace, after he memorialized his struggle, he said, forget them people, forget all about ’em, I don’t care – I don’t care anymore. Have you ever gotten to the point where you don’t care anymore what your brothers and sisters thought about you? You know what he was saying? I’m gonna forget how they treated me because God’s gonna bless me anyway.

Look at somebody and say, “I don’t care what folks think about me. God’s gonna bless me anyway. I don’t care what they say, I don’t care what they post, I don’t care what they tweet, I don’t care how they hate, God is gonna bless.me.anyway.”

After he memorialized his struggle, he’s sittin’ up there, chillin’.

Look at somebody and say, “You’re gonna chill on the throne.”

The same ones who cast him down – they didn’t even recognize him at first. God blessed him so much they didn’t even recognize him.

God’s gonna bless you so much, people are gonna be like, is that you? Is that her over there? Is that him doing that?

joseph's last night in the dungeonI always like to think about his last night in that den. His last night in that dungeon. He went to bed that night the same way he always was. He woke up that next morning [and] there was a knock on his door, a knock on his jail cell, a knock on his bars.

“Hey, Joseph.”

“Yeah?”

“Pharaoh wanna see you.”

“Pharaoh wanna see me for what?”

He woke up that morning in the prison. He went to bed that night in a palace. You don’t know how quick your change is gonna come. Don’t you know God can bless you in a moment, in the twinkle of an eye?

winkLook at the person next to you and just wink at ’em. Say, “I ain’t flirtin’ with you, baby, I’m just letting you know how quick my change can come.”

Look at somebody and say, “It don’t take long when God desires to do it.”

He got thrown in because of a dream. And he got out because of a dream. The same thing that bound you up is gonna be the same thing that sets you free and takes you up on high.

He’s sittin’ on the throne, chillin’, and the same ones who cast him down, the same ones who wrote him off, the same ones who tried to hurt and kill him had to come and bow down before him. And they had to go back home, back to their families – they had to go back to the ones – now, remember, remember: when they first cast him in the pit, they went back to their home with a bad report: Joseph’s dead. He’s gone. He’s through. [He’s got blood on his coat.] The same place they had taken the bad report to, they had to go back with a good report. They went back and said, “Guess what? Joseph is yet alive.”

they're gonna have to repentGod is going to cause all of your critics, all of your judges, all of your detractors, everybody that wrote you off, everybody that thought you were through, everybody who thought you were finished, they’re gonna have to repent, they’re gonna have to publish an announcement that you are yet alive.

He’s not only alive, he’s doing better than he’s ever done before.

you're blessedNot only are you alive, you’re blessed. Not only are you still living, you’re prosperous. You’re doing good because what was meant against you for evil, God can turn to the good.

Touch that person next to you and say, God’s gonna turn your trial for your good. He’s gonna turn your bad for your good. And he allowed you to be cast into the pit in order to preserve life. [Joseph] told his brothers, God sent me here to preserve life.

Look at somebody and say the purpose of your pit is the preservation of your purpose. You’ve got to go through what you’re going through in order to get to where God’s taking you.

Touch somebody and say, I’m yet alive, I’m yet alive.

Say: I’m still alive.

I’m still here.

What I’ve been through would’ve killed somebody else. But I’m still alive.

Somebody else would be in an insane asylum, but I’m still alive.

Somebody else would be at the end of a crack pipe.

Somebody else would be at the bottom of a liquor bottle.

But I’m still alive.

Look at somebody and say, I’m still alive. I’m still here. I’m still in my right mind. I’m still who I was. I’m still alive, and I’m still praisin’. I’m still lifting him up. I’m still giving him glory. I’m still sober. I’m still sane. Not only am I still alive, I’m still living for God … because “[m]any are the afflictions of the righteous, but the lord delivereth him out of them all.”

Look at somebody one last time before I stop and say, “God is going to deliver you out of all of your troubles, all of your problems, all of your issues, all of your suffering, all of your sorrow, all of your drama. He’s going to deliver you from people’s plots and schemes, and he’s going to bless you like you ain’t never been blessed before.”

Monday through Friday, you can listen to Dr. Darrell Scott on radio1000.org at 8 a.m., noon, and 6 p.m. EST. You can find more sermon transcriptions on my sermon notes page. 

God’s Purpose for Your Storm (A Darrell Scott Sermon)

go

We read Mark’s gospel and John’s gospel, but in Matthew as well, it states that after the feeding of the 5,000, the lord [told] his disciples to get into a ship and pass over to the other side, and the language of those gospel narratives [expresses an] unwillingness on the part of the disciples. They were hesitant in obeying his instructions … He told them to go, but they were slow [in] doing so. They were unwilling to do so. So he had to command them: “Look, I said go on over on the boat, don’t worry about me. Y’all go on over there.”

multiply fish miracle

John’s gospel, which does not mention the constraint, John surprised us with the meaning of it because the previous miracle, John said, had worked up the excitement of the crowd to a dangerous point until the crowd that had eaten the loaves and fishes … threatened to become a mob because they told themselves that a prophet that could make bread and multiply fish at will was the kind of prophet that we want. Much like today, the prophet that can release increase is the prophet that people want. They don’t want the thus-sayeth-the-lord-you’d-better-live-right prophet. They want the you’re-gonna-get-a-new-house-you’re-gonna-get-a-new-car-you’re-gonna-get-some-money prophet.

should have been a short trip

So, it says in John’s gospel that they determined to force him into proclaiming himself king … So the Bible says Jesus went up … onto a mountain. He went up to a higher level, amen. He went up onto a mountain in order to get away from the crowd while the disciples journeyed across the sea to the other side. And it wasn’t a great distance away, amen. Maybe about five or six miles. They were going on what should have been a very short trip, a short journey that should only take a couple of hours at the most on the peaceful, tranquil sea. However, they drifted along on their journey, and the Bible said that it was now dark, and Jesus had not yet come to them.

And then it says, “And while it was dark, a great wind blew, and the sea rose up.”

boat in dark stormy sea

Think about this now. They were almost over to the other side. They were almost there where they were told to go, but a great wind came up and pushed them back out into the middle of the sea – pushed them back away from their destination.

And in the gospel narratives, you can understand the fact that these disciples had been in a storm like this before. They were experienced seamen – they were experienced fishermen, but the storm in the gospel narratives that they had been a part of before had been [during] the daytime, and Jesus had been on board. Even though he was asleep, he was still on board. But now, here they were in the middle of a stormy sea in the dark without Jesus.

been there done that got the tshirt

Is there anybody here that understands the severity of that situation, amen? Because how many of you know that daylight storms are still [navigable] because even though you’re in the storm, you’re still able to see where you’re trying to go? You’re able to see your way through in a daylight storm, especially if you know that the lord is in there with you. But is there anybody here on this holiday weekend morning that’s ever experienced a nighttime storm? Is there anybody here that’s ever been in a late midnight hour storm? You’re in the middle of an I-can’t-see-any-way-out-of-this-mess storm. You’re in the middle of a Jesus-is-nowhere-to-be-found storm. Talk back to me, somebody. I’ll talk about myself. I’ve been there, done that, bought the T-shirt on a journey that should not have taken this long.

Is there anybody here that’s ever said, I know where you’re at right there, pastor? I’m on a journey that should not have taken this long. I should’ve been on the other side by now. I should’ve reached my goal by now, I should’ve made it by now, I should’ve been prosperous by now, I should’ve been married by now, I should’ve been blessed by now, I should’ve been successful by now, but a storm wind came that pushed me away from my goal, pushed me away from my purpose, pushed me away from my destination, pushed me away from my hope, pushed me away from my dreams, and here I am in the middle of a situation and a circumstance that I cannot see my way out of. Talk back to me.

Everything around them is dark, everything around them is bleak, everything around them is dismal. There’s no end in sight of the storm they were in. The wind is too great, the sea is too rough for me to make it through on my own. Is there anybody that knows what I’m talking about? The problems are too big. The troubles are too much for me to overcome. I’m trying to maintain the best that I can. I’m trying to make it through this situation that I’m in, but it’s getting darker and darker, and the lord still hasn’t shown up.

faith

The more I try to make it to my destination, the more the storm pushes me in the opposite direction. I’m trying to have faith. Is there anybody here that’ll say, ”Lord, I’m trying to have faith the best that I can, but the faith that I have is rooted in the awareness of your presence.” I have faith in the lord when I know he’s by my side. I have faith in the lord when I can hear his voice talking to me. I have faith in the lord when I can see him in my struggle, but right now, I’m in a situation where I cannot see him at all.

i'm still rowing

Is there anybody here that knows what it is to be in a situation where you can’t see God? You can’t hear his voice. You can’t sense his touches, but in spite of it all – look at somebody and tell them, “In spite of it all, I’m still rowing. I’m still rowing. I’m still pressing. I’m still trying. I’m still struggling. I’m still laboring, I’m still trying my best. I’m still trying to make it. No matter how dark it gets, no matter how hard it is, I’m still trying to make it to the other side.”

Look at somebody and say, “I’m in a storm right now, but I refuse to quit. I’m in a storm right now, but I will not give up. I’m in a storm right now, but I’m gonna keep on trying, I’m gonna keep on fighting, I’m gonna keep on digging, I’m gonna keep on scratching, I’m gonna keep on clawing, I’m gonna keep on!”

jesus watching from mountaintop

Here they were, in the midst of the sea, while Jesus is up on the mountain. And Mark’s gospel says Jesus saw them toiling. He saw them trying to row their way out. He saw them laboring and struggling and trying the entire time from his vantage point. He went up on a mountain overlooking the sea, and he saw them the entire time. Even though they could not see him, he was watching them the entire time. Watching them trying to go where he told them to go, watching them trying to do what he told them to do, watching them trying to trust him in spite of their issues, trying to believe him in spite of all their troubles, trying to obey him in spite of the storm.

at an impasse

But it caused them to realize that without him on board, they could not make any progress. Without him on board, they couldn’t reach their destination, they didn’t know which way to go – without the lord, they couldn’t be successful. Without the lord, they couldn’t get anywhere.

Look at somebody and say, “Unless God is going with you, baby, you ain’t goin’ nowhere.”

You’ve got to understand that many people have the mistaken idea that if they are endeavoring to obey the lord, they’re going to enjoy smooth sailing. They have the mistaken idea that [if they’re] obeying the lord, they’re gonna have a problem-free journey, not understanding that the enemy will try to hinder you in any way that he can. Consequently – and I know I’m telling the truth, and I know you’re gonna agree with me – at times, you think it’s nearly impossible for you to reach your goals, to fulfill your ambitions, amen, or realize the manifestation of your vision. But look at somebody and tell them, “The devil is a liar.”

Look at somebody else and tell ’em, “And he’s defeated, too.”

Look at somebody and say, “You are gonna make it. You are gonna succeed.” Come on and prophesy to that person next to you. Tell them, “You are an overcomer, you will not be defeated, you will not be destroyed. You may be delayed, but you will not be denied.”

determination

Look at somebody next to you and tell ’em, “I am determined, no matter how dark it is.” Look at somebody and say, “I am determined, no matter how rough it gets. I am determined that I’m gonna make it. I’m gonna make it to my destination, to my goal. My dream will come true, my vision will come to pass. I don’t care how hard it is.”

Look at somebody and say, “I’m gonna make it. I might be in a bad way, but I’m gonna make it. The storm might be severe, the problem might be big, but I’m gonna keep on keepin’ on until my change comes.”

Touch somebody and say, “I’m not gonna fake it. I’m in a dark [place]. I’m all messed up. I can’t see my way out. I don’t have a solution. I do have some problems. But I’m not gonna roll over. I’m not gonna play dead. I’m not gonna fall apart. I’m gonna make it.”

[Tell] somebody, “I’m on a ship and I’m in a storm, but I’m gonna keep on rowin’, I’m gonna keep on tryin’, I’m gonna keep on shouting until I make it.”

Tell somebody, “If I don’t make it, it won’t be for lack of trying, if I don’t make it, it won’t be because I quit, if I don’t make it –“

There they are, in the middle of the night – it’s the middle of the night on a stormy sea. No starlight. No moonlight, no nothing but blackness. Here they are, in the midst of a storm, exhausted, weak, weary, nervous, fearful, uncertain, apprehensive – the wind is whipping, the storm is raging, the rain is pouring. And in the midst of this chaos, all of a sudden, they see Jesus. Walking on the sea. Walking through the storm. They see Jesus coming through their storm in the midst of their turmoil, in the midst of the mess, in the midst of the trouble, in the midst of the storm. All of a sudden.

they saw jesus walking on the water but he didn't look like they expected him to look

But notice something: they’re in the midst of a storm, it’s pitch black outside, the wind is blowing real hard … and all of a sudden, they see Jesus coming through the storm. But he did not look the way they expected him to look. He did not appear the way they thought he would appear.

Look at that person next to you and tell them, “The next thing you’ll see coming through your storm will be Jesus.”

He might not appear the way you expect him to appear, he might not look the way you thought he would look, but the next thing you will see coming through your storm is going to be Jesus.

Look at somebody and say, “Here he comes, here he comes, here he comes. He’s walking on water. Here he comes through your storm, here he comes, moving in your problems, moving in your mess, moving in your situation, moving in your foreclosure, moving in your eviction, moving in your repossession. Here he comes.”

The Bible says they saw Jesus walking on the sea, coming near to their ship. They were so messed up at first they didn’t know who it was.

Look at somebody and tell them, “Sometimes I’m so messed up, I can’t recognize God when he does come.”

They saw Jesus in the storm, coming closer and closer. And they were afraid because he did not look, he did not appear, he did not move like they expected him. They thought he was a spirit, but he was moving in the natural. And he said – in the King James, he said, “It is I. Be not afraid.”

i am be not afraid

That translation is a shade imprecise because the literal Greek reads, “I am. Be not afraid.” He was telling the disciples he was the great I Am. I Am, be not afraid. He told me to tell somebody this morning: I Am, be not afraid. I Am a healer, be not afraid. I Am a deliverer, be not afraid. I Am a problem solver, be not afraid. I Am a need meeter, be not afraid. I Am Jehovah Rohi, the lord is your shepherd. … I Am Jehovah Shalom, the lord’s your peace. I Am Jehovah Shammah, the lord is present. I Am … your protector. I Am your fortress. I Am your strongtower. I Am your waymaker, I Am your need meeter. Tap somebody and say, “I Am!”

God said: I Am your marriage counselor. I Am your bill payer. I Am your financial planner. I Am your salvation. I Am. Be not afraid.

Once he gave them the revelation that he was the I Am, they recognized that it was him in the midst of the storm. And the Bible says, “They willingly received him into the ship.”

He didn’t look like they thought he was gonna look. He wasn’t moving the way they expected him to move, but once he opened up to them the revelation of who he was, they willingly received him.

Once you get the revelation of who he is, you can receive him into the midst of any storm that you might find yourself in. Even though he ain’t movin’ like you expect him to move, even though he’s not gonna send the money like you thought he’d send the money, even though he doesn’t heal you like you thought he would heal you … once you get the revelation of who he is, you will receive him into any storm that you find yourself in.

immediately the ship was at the land wither they went

It says they willingly received him into the ship, and immediately the ship was at the land wither they went. They had been laboring all night long, trying to get where they were trying to go, but once they received Jesus in the midst of their storm, what had taken them a long time could now be accomplished in a moment. The destination – the goal that they were trying to reach could now be obtained immediately. And God told me to tell somebody this morning that their dream, that vision, that aim, that ambition, that goal, that objective that you’ve been struggling to obtain – God said it’s going to manifest immediately.
Touch somebody and tell ’em, “Get ready for an immediate blessing.”

God said, “I’m coming into your storm, I’m gonna make sure that you make it to your destination,” and he told me to tell you, “It’s not going to take a long time.” God told me to tell somebody, “Get ready for an immediate breakthrough. An immediate blessing. An immediate turnaround. Get ready for an immediate deliverance.”

the wind ceased and the storm stopped

Matthew and Mark state, in the gospels that bear their name, that when Jesus came on board, the wind ceased, and the storm stopped. But they don’t state that the journey was complete – Matthew and Mark don’t – or that they arrived at their destination.

John didn’t make mention of the storm stopping, but he said they reached their destination. So you have to realize that those two dynamics are cause and effect. And what he was saying is this: the stopping of the storm, the calming of the waters made the remainder of the journey swift and smooth. And God told me to tell somebody this morning before we stop, he told me to tell you –

Easy_Breezy_Logo2

Look at that person next to you and say, “You.”

He said, “The rest of your journey is gonna be smooth sailing.” He said, “The rest of your journey is gonna be smooth sailing because the worst part is over. The storm is over.” God told me to tell you, “The rough stretch is over. The rough patch is over. The chaos is over. The struggle is over, and the rest of the way is gonna be swift and smooth.”

He said, “The rest of the way is gonna be smooth. The rest of the way is gonna be straightforward, baby. The rest of the way is gonna be all right. The rest of the way –“ He said, “The rest of the way –”

Look at somebody, slap five with ’em and say, “The rest of the way is gonna be smooth. The rest of the way, it won’t be rough. The rest of the way — and you’re gonna make it. You are going to make it to the other side.”

[His wife] Belinda Scott: Look at somebody and tell them, “The rest of the way is going to be easy.” Say it to ’em. C’mon. Turn to somebody and say it to them. Look around the room. Say, “The rest of the way – that means from here. From here on out.”

Y’know, pastor, I love when God uses you that way. I love it.

I know you’re not gonna wanna hear this. I know we’re not gonna want to hear this. I don’t want to hear it. But we needed that storm — okay. I figured that. The storm moves you forward. ‘Cause you would’ve been comfortable, secure, and set in your ways, but the storm made us trust in something other than ourselves.

Touch somebody and say, “I trust in the lord always now.”

Air date: May 29, 2018
Monday through Friday, you can listen to Dr. Darrell Scott on radio1000.org at 8 a.m., noon, and 6 p.m. EST. You can find more sermon transcriptions on my sermon notes page.

To the Many Christians Who Saw My Post Asking for Help and Looked the Other Way

… it’s okay. This was the first thing I heard when I woke up this morning.

My Father promised to supply all my needs
With His riches in glory
He gives seed to the barren
And food to famine
So I know that He’ll take care of me
So I know that He’ll take care of me
Jireh is who He is
Providing is what He does
He won’t let me lack, won’t let me beg
‘Cause I’m His child, and He loves me
I’m resting on His promise
I know He’s working it out for me
I’m resting on His promise
I know that God is covering me
My Father’s rich in houses and land
All power is in His hand
No recession, depression, or repossession
And with hope, the blessings He has for me
Jireh is who He is
Providing is what He does
He won’t let me lack, won’t let me beg
‘Cause I’m His child, and He loves me
I’m resting on His promise
I know He’s working it out for me
I’m resting on His promise
I know that God is covering me
Go to sleep at night, don’t worry
Your bills will be paid
Ways will be made
Put your mind at ease
‘Cause your Father
Won’t leave nor forsake you
Go to sleep at night, don’t worry
Doors will be opened
That you thought were closed
Put your mind at ease
‘Cause your father will
Never leave you nor forsake you
We just come to stamp notice on the devil
That no matter what happens, we’re gonna be okay
‘Cause we’re covered by the blood of Jesus
and no weapon that is formed against us is going to be able to prosper
And no crime will come near our dwelling place
You’re covered, don’t you worry
You’re covered, don’t you worry
Rest on His promise
Rest on His promise
I’m covered, don’t you worry
I’m covered, don’t you worry
Rest on His promise
Rest on His promise
I’m still singing, I’m still shouting
I’m still dancing, I’m still praising
I’m covered, I’m not worried
I’m covered, I’m not worried
I’m covered

But you may want to read this.

My Fur Family and I Have Been Evicted #GoFundMe

If you’ve been reading this memoir, you know God has been putting me through a lot since I became a Christian in 2014. The latest trial is eviction. If you could spare a few dollars to help me accrue a security deposit and first month’s rent, my fur family and I would be eternally grateful. We don’t have a dime to our name. You can find our #GoFundMe story here:

https://www.gofundme.com/helpclevangelism

If you haven’t been following this blog, you may want to tune in to see how God makes a way out of no way.