God May Be Calling You a Witch

If you haven't heeded the last several posts, God may be calling you a witch. Here's how to tell, according to James Davis, an elder at New Spirit Revival Center in Akron. "There is a teacher in you, but you won't change. There is a prophet in you, but you won't change. ... There is … Continue reading God May Be Calling You a Witch

How to Stop Doing Pretty Much Anything: Yield to God and Be the Hero of Your Story

When God gave me food allergies at age 38 to curb the binge eating I'd begun as a teen, I had to give up just about every food I'd ever loved. Six years later, I still whimper as I pass Little Debbie Banana Twins, Swiss Rolls, and Pumpkin Flips or Little Caesars Pizza. When I … Continue reading How to Stop Doing Pretty Much Anything: Yield to God and Be the Hero of Your Story

Truth or Consequences (The Wrath of God)

Last Wednesday, I shared that 20+ years of binge eating caused kidney disease. Some Christians would blame the devil for that, but long before "Truth or Consequences" became a radio and television game show, it appeared in the Bible: Ron Carpenter drew my attention to the latter passage after church yesterday when I flopped in … Continue reading Truth or Consequences (The Wrath of God)

How to Repent (God Wants You to Change Your Default Settings)

As last night's post stated, repentance is one of the keys to getting God to answer your prayers. Below, Bishop T.D. Jakes explains how to repent and how not to repent. How Not to Repent "Esau did something stupid. Now, everybody in here has made a dumb choice about something or someone or some moment, … Continue reading How to Repent (God Wants You to Change Your Default Settings)

Praise Music for People Who Don’t Like Praise Music

Lately, God has been prodding me to praise him. Given everything I've been through, that's difficult. And when I googled how to praise God, site after site said to sing. I'm so not a gospel girl. This is more my style, particularly after the three-minute buildup: and, of course, this: If I could be as … Continue reading Praise Music for People Who Don’t Like Praise Music

The Outlier – Why God Put My Brother on This Earth

A lot of people ask why God would do this to a child or why God would do that to a child. After I returned home from a trip to Maui in 2013, I wrote the following Facebook post about my brother, whose August 1 birthday didn't just make him an outlier in my family, … Continue reading The Outlier – Why God Put My Brother on This Earth

Judgmental Christians (My Story – How God Led Me to Become a Christian)

Despite graduating summa cum laude as an English and communication double major in 2009, I worked a $10/hour retail job for the last four months. To make the best of a bad situation, I used my creativity and organizational skills to improve the store's appearance because, pre-me, Google reviews described it as sad, decrepit, and … Continue reading Judgmental Christians (My Story – How God Led Me to Become a Christian)

Two Types of People to Avoid Dating

Earlier this month, I began sharing Christian dating advice, including how to tell if you're dating a Christian. Here are two types of people to avoid dating. You may be one of them, according to a Dr. Charles Stanley sermon that aired on Sunday. The First Type: People Who Lack Self-Control "Is there any area … Continue reading Two Types of People to Avoid Dating

Why You Don’t Hear from God

Today, Pastor John Hagee shared the following reasons you don't hear from God. You Don't Hear from God Because You Consult Other People Rather Than Your Conscience What is conscience? Conscience is a God-given instrument so that we can determine right from wrong in a spiritual matter. Conscience is the lamp of God saying, "This … Continue reading Why You Don’t Hear from God

The Most Obvious Reason You’re Suffering: You’re out of the Will of God (I.e., You.Don’t.Listen)

Life would be a lot easier for everyone if people listened to what God says via the Bible, a pastor, or another person he's opted to use. Sometimes, I just want to throttle people. God undoubtedly felt the same way about me during my buttercream frosting phase this summer, but as I shared with my … Continue reading The Most Obvious Reason You’re Suffering: You’re out of the Will of God (I.e., You.Don’t.Listen)

The Fullness of Time (A Testimony on the 11th Anniversary of My Mom’s Death)

Eleven years ago today, I drove to the hospital to visit my mom. For years, she had said, "When he goes, I go," meaning she would kill herself when my brother died. July 6, 2007, a Lakewood Hospital doctor called my cubicle at a law firm to tell me she'd already started -- by drinking … Continue reading The Fullness of Time (A Testimony on the 11th Anniversary of My Mom’s Death)

Another Reason I Nearly Killed Myself One Christmas Morning: People Suck (or How My Parents and Boyfriends Caused PTSD: Part One)

A week into my underemployment at a grocery store this summer, a freshly tattooed 20-year-old in the deli department borrowed a pen from me in the bakery after showing me his forearm-long tribute to his grandfather and telling me he was tired from playing softball with his family before work. Maybe 10 minutes later, he … Continue reading Another Reason I Nearly Killed Myself One Christmas Morning: People Suck (or How My Parents and Boyfriends Caused PTSD: Part One)

One Reason I Nearly Committed Suicide One Christmas Morning: Adverse Childhood Experiences

For years, I swore I would never kill myself as my so-called Christian father predicted I would when I was a kid, but stubbornness was no match for everything I'd endured by age 27, when I bought three boxes of sleeping pills Christmas morning. Although Psychology Today irresponsibly reported that "[p]sychiatrists believe" that over 90 … Continue reading One Reason I Nearly Committed Suicide One Christmas Morning: Adverse Childhood Experiences

How Joseph Got from the Pit to the Palace (A Darrell Scott Sermon)

If you read my About page before following this blog, you know I've felt like Job (minus the wealth), Joseph, and Jonah since I became a Christian in early 2014. Since I started memorializing my suffering in this memoir in May 2015, I have said to myself and others, "I know God isn't going to let … Continue reading How Joseph Got from the Pit to the Palace (A Darrell Scott Sermon)

My Fur Family and I Have Been Evicted #GoFundMe

If you've been reading this memoir, you know God has been putting me through a lot since I became a Christian in 2014. The latest trial is eviction. If you could spare a few dollars to help me accrue a security deposit and first month's rent, my fur family and I would be eternally grateful. … Continue reading My Fur Family and I Have Been Evicted #GoFundMe

Few People Talk About Why They Want to Die Before They Commit Suicide. I Blame Journalists for Three Reasons

Last week, 104-year-old scientist David Goodall told the Associated Press he was going to "take advantage of Switzerland's assisted-suicide laws" after contemplating suicide for 20 years and bungling it three times. That night, 36-year-old Frightened Rabbit singer Scott Hutchison tweeted, "I'm away now. Thanks," before killing himself. Investigators found his body three days later. Last … Continue reading Few People Talk About Why They Want to Die Before They Commit Suicide. I Blame Journalists for Three Reasons

Feeling Suicidal? I Can Relate … Because of My Family (There’s No Home for You Here)

In January, 21-year-old Washington State University quarterback Tyler Hilinski killed himself. Although he left a note, suicide investigators began interviewing people he knew to figure out why a young, successful football player who'd been carried off the field "Rudy"-style after helping his team beat Boise State in triple overtime last September would end his life … Continue reading Feeling Suicidal? I Can Relate … Because of My Family (There’s No Home for You Here)

My “Unique Blogger Award” Nomination (and the Importance of Telling Your Own Story)

I've been broke and unable to shop for anything beyond necessities since October 2014, so I didn't know tax-free weekend existed until I walked next door to Target during a break from my retail job a couple of weeks ago and saw a sign portending service workers' impending doom on the sliding glass door. Friday, … Continue reading My “Unique Blogger Award” Nomination (and the Importance of Telling Your Own Story)

Happy Birthday to Me?

Saturday, July 15, which was my abusive father's 64th birthday and the 10th anniversary of my mom's suicide, I walked three miles home from a library and grocery store in mid-day heat and humidity to find two bracelets that an ex left hanging from my doorknob in a gift bag. Having discovered some upsetting-yet-not-surprising information … Continue reading Happy Birthday to Me?

Chapter 11: How Domestic Violence and My Relationship with a Mama’s Boy Affected Me (Part V: An Outspoken Personality, Problems with Porn, and Trust Issues—or How I Became My Parents)

According to Psych Central, children of alcoholics typically suffer from low self-esteem, wind up in unhealthy relationships, and tolerate behaviors that other people find unacceptable—presumably because they're used to them. It got two out of three right where I'm concerned. If you read my blog post about Facebook Live killer Steve Stephens or any of … Continue reading Chapter 11: How Domestic Violence and My Relationship with a Mama’s Boy Affected Me (Part V: An Outspoken Personality, Problems with Porn, and Trust Issues—or How I Became My Parents)

Intermission: Let’s Play a Little Game of Never Have I Ever

If you’ve been reading my memoir, you know my father beat and choked my mom for 15 years until she and my mentally handicapped, diabetic, epileptic, and autistic brother fled to a domestic violence shelter in 1999. You also know I started dating an alcoholic before I even moved out and that I unwittingly moved in with … Continue reading Intermission: Let’s Play a Little Game of Never Have I Ever

Chapter 10: How Domestic Violence Affected Me (Part IV: Debt and Codependent Relationships)

Breaking up with a blackout drunk in favor of a guy who'd practiced tang soo do for years wasn't a difficult decision. Whereas the latter would protect me if my father tried to kill me as he'd threatened a number of times since he started beating my mom in 1984, the former would wake up … Continue reading Chapter 10: How Domestic Violence Affected Me (Part IV: Debt and Codependent Relationships)

Chapter 9: How Domestic Violence Affected Me (Part III: Unhealthy Relationships)

In high school, I envied girls who had boyfriends and developed crushes on football players and nerds who sat beside or in front of me and talked to me as they used my desk to do tricep dips or passed me papers. The year my mom said short stories I'd written to make her proud … Continue reading Chapter 9: How Domestic Violence Affected Me (Part III: Unhealthy Relationships)

Chapter 8: How Domestic Violence Affected Me (Part II: Loneliness and Low Self-Esteem)

Comedian Louis C.K. once said men are "the No. 1 threat to women. Globally and historically, we're the No. 1 cause of injury and mayhem to women. We're the worst thing that ever happens to them." You don't have to convince a domestic violence survivor of that, but we still want to be loved. So, … Continue reading Chapter 8: How Domestic Violence Affected Me (Part II: Loneliness and Low Self-Esteem)

Chapter Six: Revelations: How My Parents’ Abusive Marriage Ended (in Three Stages)

In one of Ernest Hemingway’s books about bullfighting, an alcoholic told another character that he went bankrupt “[g]radually and then suddenly.” When asked what prompted it, he replied, “Friends. … False friends. Then I had creditors, too.” My parents’ marriage ended the same way for the same reasons. Stage 1: The Proverbial Straw For 15 … Continue reading Chapter Six: Revelations: How My Parents’ Abusive Marriage Ended (in Three Stages)

Chapter Five: Fear and Loathing Are Ineffective Motivators (Lessons My Parents’ Abusive Marriage Taught Me – Part 2)

The sunny September 1996 day that I signed a lease to move in with my boyfriend, my father said I was “a slut just like [my] mother,” disowned me, and forbade me from returning to the house. This did not prevent me from visiting my mom when I left, but it did affect the frequency … Continue reading Chapter Five: Fear and Loathing Are Ineffective Motivators (Lessons My Parents’ Abusive Marriage Taught Me – Part 2)

Chapter Two: Interference

Over the past 19 years, I have often wondered if there’s a generational curse in my genes because abuse, alcoholism, codependency, and suicide seem to run in my family the way others inherit a history of hypertension and heart disease. At least three Bible verses say God will punish children for their father’s sins, and … Continue reading Chapter Two: Interference

Chapter One: My Father’s Greatest Hits (Physical, Verbal, and Emotional Abuse)

When I was in fourth grade, my father cornered my mom in the kitchen, grabbed her by the throat, lifted her off the floor, pinned her against the freezer, and nearly crushed her windpipe. I will never forget the sounds she made as she lay on the linoleum, chin tilted toward the ceiling like a … Continue reading Chapter One: My Father’s Greatest Hits (Physical, Verbal, and Emotional Abuse)