The Principles of Promise (and Another Test That Doesn’t Make Sense)

In the Bible, a man named Elkanah had two wives: Hannah and Peninnah. The latter had baby after baby, but Hannah couldn't get pregnant. Worse, the story says, "Because the Lord had closed Hannah’s womb, her rival kept provoking her in order to irritate her. This went on year after year. Whenever Hannah went up to … Continue reading The Principles of Promise (and Another Test That Doesn’t Make Sense)

My Default Settings (Part One)

I hate daytime talk shows such as "The Talk," "The View," and "The Real," but I got sucked into TBN's "Better Together" before work July 19 because Laurie Crouch, Victoria Osteen, Deedee Freeman, and Holly Wagner were discussing bad habits. The fact the show aired the day after my birthday, when Charles Stanley started a … Continue reading My Default Settings (Part One)

Judgmental Christians (My Story – How God Led Me to Become a Christian)

Despite graduating summa cum laude as an English and communication double major in 2009, I worked a $10/hour retail job for the last four months. To make the best of a bad situation, I used my creativity and organizational skills to improve the store's appearance because, pre-me, Google reviews described it as sad, decrepit, and … Continue reading Judgmental Christians (My Story – How God Led Me to Become a Christian)

The Third Reason God Allowed Me to Become Homeless: My Foundation Had a Crack in It

If you read my last post, you know my cats were the only thing that kept me from walking into the ocean and never coming back when my first and only freelance client called during my trip to Kauai to tell me he didn't need me anymore because his partner was dissolving their partnership. Eight … Continue reading The Third Reason God Allowed Me to Become Homeless: My Foundation Had a Crack in It

How I Failed as a Freelance Writer (or, The Second Reason God Allowed Me to Become Homeless: I Stopped Using My Gifts and Talents — Part Three)

While working as a content manager for an abusive attorney who reminded me so much of my father that I went to my primary care physician for an antidepressant after swearing them off 10 years earlier and began binge eating in public, wolfing down entire boxes of Little Debbie Banana Twins at my desk, I … Continue reading How I Failed as a Freelance Writer (or, The Second Reason God Allowed Me to Become Homeless: I Stopped Using My Gifts and Talents — Part Three)

Why Does God Allow Bad Things to Happen to Good People? (The Story of Job)

If you feel like God is punishing you, it's possible if you disobeyed him, complained about what he gave you, or plotted evil against someone else. But it's also possible -- though not probable -- that you did nothing wrong. Below, Pastor John Jenkins tells the story of Job, a wealthy man who lost everything … Continue reading Why Does God Allow Bad Things to Happen to Good People? (The Story of Job)

The Fullness of Time (A Testimony on the 11th Anniversary of My Mom’s Death)

Eleven years ago today, I drove to the hospital to visit my mom. For years, she had said, "When he goes, I go," meaning she would kill herself when my brother died. July 6, 2007, a Lakewood Hospital doctor called my cubicle at a law firm to tell me she'd already started -- by drinking … Continue reading The Fullness of Time (A Testimony on the 11th Anniversary of My Mom’s Death)

Another Reason I Nearly Killed Myself One Christmas Morning: People Suck (or How My Parents and Boyfriends Caused PTSD: Part One)

A week into my underemployment at a grocery store this summer, a freshly tattooed 20-year-old in the deli department borrowed a pen from me in the bakery after showing me his forearm-long tribute to his grandfather and telling me he was tired from playing softball with his family before work. Maybe 10 minutes later, he … Continue reading Another Reason I Nearly Killed Myself One Christmas Morning: People Suck (or How My Parents and Boyfriends Caused PTSD: Part One)

One Reason I Nearly Committed Suicide One Christmas Morning: Adverse Childhood Experiences

For years, I swore I would never kill myself as my so-called Christian father predicted I would when I was a kid, but stubbornness was no match for everything I'd endured by age 27, when I bought three boxes of sleeping pills Christmas morning. Although Psychology Today irresponsibly reported that "[p]sychiatrists believe" that over 90 … Continue reading One Reason I Nearly Committed Suicide One Christmas Morning: Adverse Childhood Experiences

Few People Talk About Why They Want to Die Before They Commit Suicide. I Blame Journalists for Three Reasons

Last week, 104-year-old scientist David Goodall told the Associated Press he was going to "take advantage of Switzerland's assisted-suicide laws" after contemplating suicide for 20 years and bungling it three times. That night, 36-year-old Frightened Rabbit singer Scott Hutchison tweeted, "I'm away now. Thanks," before killing himself. Investigators found his body three days later. Last … Continue reading Few People Talk About Why They Want to Die Before They Commit Suicide. I Blame Journalists for Three Reasons

Feeling Suicidal? I Can Relate … Because of My Family (There’s No Home for You Here)

In January, 21-year-old Washington State University quarterback Tyler Hilinski killed himself. Although he left a note, suicide investigators began interviewing people he knew to figure out why a young, successful football player who'd been carried off the field "Rudy"-style after helping his team beat Boise State in triple overtime last September would end his life … Continue reading Feeling Suicidal? I Can Relate … Because of My Family (There’s No Home for You Here)

My “Unique Blogger Award” Nomination (and the Importance of Telling Your Own Story)

I've been broke and unable to shop for anything beyond necessities since October 2014, so I didn't know tax-free weekend existed until I walked next door to Target during a break from my retail job a couple of weeks ago and saw a sign portending service workers' impending doom on the sliding glass door. Friday, … Continue reading My “Unique Blogger Award” Nomination (and the Importance of Telling Your Own Story)

Happy Birthday to Me?

Saturday, July 15, which was my abusive father's 64th birthday and the 10th anniversary of my mom's suicide, I walked three miles home from a library and grocery store in mid-day heat and humidity to find two bracelets that an ex left hanging from my doorknob in a gift bag. Having discovered some upsetting-yet-not-surprising information … Continue reading Happy Birthday to Me?

Chapter 11: How Domestic Violence and My Relationship with a Mama’s Boy Affected Me (Part V: An Outspoken Personality, Problems with Porn, and Trust Issues—or How I Became My Parents)

According to Psych Central, children of alcoholics typically suffer from low self-esteem, wind up in unhealthy relationships, and tolerate behaviors that other people find unacceptable—presumably because they're used to them. It got two out of three right where I'm concerned. If you read my blog post about Facebook Live killer Steve Stephens or any of … Continue reading Chapter 11: How Domestic Violence and My Relationship with a Mama’s Boy Affected Me (Part V: An Outspoken Personality, Problems with Porn, and Trust Issues—or How I Became My Parents)

Chapter 9: How Domestic Violence Affected Me (Part III: Unhealthy Relationships)

In high school, I envied girls who had boyfriends and developed crushes on football players and nerds who sat beside or in front of me and talked to me as they used my desk to do tricep dips or passed me papers. The year my mom said short stories I'd written to make her proud … Continue reading Chapter 9: How Domestic Violence Affected Me (Part III: Unhealthy Relationships)

Retail Therapy (Three Ways a Job at the Mall Improved My Self-Esteem—and Why You Shouldn’t Rely on One to Do the Same)

If you lived in a small town pre-internet and f'd up your future by worrying more about your father killing your mom than your grades, you had four job options post-high school graduation: salesperson at the local mall, burger flipper at a fast-food franchise, pump jockey at a gas station, or kennel assistant at a … Continue reading Retail Therapy (Three Ways a Job at the Mall Improved My Self-Esteem—and Why You Shouldn’t Rely on One to Do the Same)

Chapter 8: How Domestic Violence Affected Me (Part II: Loneliness and Low Self-Esteem)

Comedian Louis C.K. once said men are "the No. 1 threat to women. Globally and historically, we're the No. 1 cause of injury and mayhem to women. We're the worst thing that ever happens to them." You don't have to convince a domestic violence survivor of that, but we still want to be loved. So, … Continue reading Chapter 8: How Domestic Violence Affected Me (Part II: Loneliness and Low Self-Esteem)