Why God Causes (or Allows) Lack: You Only Have One Source

While I was homeless and sleeping on a former coworker's basement floor with my two cats and a broken foot last fall, I shared 12 reasons God may be allowing you to suffer. One, of course, is that you're facing the consequences of your decisions and addictions. But if you're still wondering why you're experiencing … Continue reading Why God Causes (or Allows) Lack: You Only Have One Source

Two More Reasons God Sends Us to Scary Places

Last Friday, Facebook page "Humans of New York" reminded me of two more reasons God sends us to scary places. Reason 1: He Wants Us to Know Him A woman told "Humans of New York" photographer Brandon Stanton that she wants to meet her father, but her mother isn't volunteering information about him. “I hardly … Continue reading Two More Reasons God Sends Us to Scary Places

Why God Sends Us to Scary Places

Thus far, dozens of people have read the previous two posts, but very few people have liked them. I get it. We don't like to think that God would send us back to someone who hurt us or might hurt us. But as Joyce Meyer said during a program that aired July 4, 2019, the … Continue reading Why God Sends Us to Scary Places

God Sometimes Sends Us to Scary Places

While writing my July 9 post about things that have happened because God ordered my steps, I mentioned that God sometimes sends us to scary places. For me, that was my father's doorstep last July. If you read chapters 1, 5, and 6 of this memoir, you know he had some anger management issues. For … Continue reading God Sometimes Sends Us to Scary Places

What Happens When God Orders My Steps (A Flashback)

Last night, I shared a few examples of what happens when God orders my steps. This morning, Facebook reminded me of two more that occurred one year ago today. One was the Canada goose incident. The second was something that happens often as I work in retail and couldn't happen if I were still freelancing … Continue reading What Happens When God Orders My Steps (A Flashback)

What Happens When God Orders My Steps

Sunday, I spent most of the afternoon writing a 2,000-word post. Today, I watched a sermon that made me question whether I should schedule it. "I'm confused," I told God silently. "If you don't want me to post it, you've gotta tell me in no uncertain terms." When I turned on Radio 1000 at 6 … Continue reading What Happens When God Orders My Steps

God Is God. (Part 1: Signs and Wonders)

As I've said before in this blog/memoir, people have strange ideas about God. For example, some would dispute yesterday's "God Still Speaks to Us" post by saying he gave us the Bible so he wouldn't have to. Others say God doesn't have the same rules and expectations he had in the Old Testament because Jesus … Continue reading God Is God. (Part 1: Signs and Wonders)

God Still Speaks to Us

When I was a kid, a character on a "Night Court" episode thought God was communicating to her through her TV. Everyone else thought she was crazy. Likewise, you probably thought I was crazy last week when I said God showed me who I'm supposed to marry seven years ago, but God still speaks to … Continue reading God Still Speaks to Us

The Affair: A Story of Sex and the Immature Man

Did King David have an affair with Bathsheba because he was immature? If so, he wouldn't be the first. "He doesn't know how to control the kid in him," T.D. Jakes said during a sermon TBN aired May 28. So, he slept with Bathsheba "a lot. For quite a while." When she got pregnant, King … Continue reading The Affair: A Story of Sex and the Immature Man

The Second Reason I Became a Christian: A Sick Man Sent Me Running to God

Four years ago, I started writing a blog/memoir to talk about the on-again-off-again relationship that sent me running to God in 2014. Before I finally tell that story, I thought I'd share the following excerpts from one of T.D. Jakes' ManPower conferences because I'm not the only one who's been involved with a sick man. #metoo #timesup … Continue reading The Second Reason I Became a Christian: A Sick Man Sent Me Running to God

God Wants You to Demonstrate Your Faith Like the Man with the Withered Hand

During a message titled "Demonstration of Faith," Bishop T.D. Jakes showed how the man with the withered, or shriveled, hand demonstrated his faith to Jesus. Mark 3:1-5 says the following: What Is a Hand? T.D. Jakes said a hand is a symbol of power. Here's the first thing I thought of: We also use our … Continue reading God Wants You to Demonstrate Your Faith Like the Man with the Withered Hand

God Doesn’t Want You to Have Anxiety

During a recent Q&A session with singer Lauren Daigle, a woman asked how she handles anxiety. "This is a great question," Daigle said. "It happens a lot, actually. ... There are times where I'm like, 'What is happening? This isn't me. This isn't me.' And someone told me a long time ago -- they said, … Continue reading God Doesn’t Want You to Have Anxiety

Creflo Dollar on the Differences Between Love and Selfishness (or Who You Been Talkin’ to?)

I'm about to post a sermon I bought from Creflo Dollar Ministries in 2006 even though people think Creflo's a "prosperity preacher," criticized his fundraising efforts to buy a private jet to replace his 31-year-old plane after an engine failed during an overseas trip in 2015, and read that he was arrested for domestic violence … Continue reading Creflo Dollar on the Differences Between Love and Selfishness (or Who You Been Talkin’ to?)

Adventures in Homelessness: Part 2 (or God Wants Me to Come to the End of Myself)

When my mom first fled to a domestic violence shelter with my 20-year-old diabetic, epileptic, and mentally disabled brother July 24, 1999, I feared that they would eventually become homeless. She only earned $19,000 per year as an aide on a bus for handicapped students, my brother's prescriptions cost over $1,200 per month, and they … Continue reading Adventures in Homelessness: Part 2 (or God Wants Me to Come to the End of Myself)

Are You Following God’s Timing and Will for Your Life? Or Are You Getting Ahead of God?

Sometimes, we think we’re doing the right thing, and biblically it even seems like the right thing, but it turns out to be the wrong thing. Soon after I had French fries with my father, I started thinking that driving to his place to reconcile after not seeing or speaking to him for 11 years … Continue reading Are You Following God’s Timing and Will for Your Life? Or Are You Getting Ahead of God?

Another Reason I Nearly Killed Myself One Christmas Morning: People Suck (or How My Parents and Boyfriends Caused PTSD: Part One)

A week into my underemployment at a grocery store this summer, a freshly tattooed 20-year-old in the deli department borrowed a pen from me in the bakery after showing me his forearm-long tribute to his grandfather and telling me he was tired from playing softball with his family before work. Maybe 10 minutes later, he … Continue reading Another Reason I Nearly Killed Myself One Christmas Morning: People Suck (or How My Parents and Boyfriends Caused PTSD: Part One)

God’s Purpose for Your Storm (A Darrell Scott Sermon)

We read Mark's gospel and John's gospel, but in Matthew as well, it states that after the feeding of the 5,000, the lord [told] his disciples to get into a ship and pass over to the other side, and the language of those gospel narratives [expresses an] unwillingness on the part of the disciples. They … Continue reading God’s Purpose for Your Storm (A Darrell Scott Sermon)

My Fur Family and I Have Been Evicted #GoFundMe

If you've been reading this memoir, you know God has been putting me through a lot since I became a Christian in 2014. The latest trial is eviction. If you could spare a few dollars to help me accrue a security deposit and first month's rent, my fur family and I would be eternally grateful. … Continue reading My Fur Family and I Have Been Evicted #GoFundMe

Feeling Suicidal? I Can Relate … Because of My Family (There’s No Home for You Here)

In January, 21-year-old Washington State University quarterback Tyler Hilinski killed himself. Although he left a note, suicide investigators began interviewing people he knew to figure out why a young, successful football player who'd been carried off the field "Rudy"-style after helping his team beat Boise State in triple overtime last September would end his life … Continue reading Feeling Suicidal? I Can Relate … Because of My Family (There’s No Home for You Here)

Chapter 12: How Domestic Violence Affected Me: The Never-Ending Search for Love and Stability: Part One (or Bad Boyfriends and Horrible Bosses: The Sum of My Experiences (Part One))

In addition to food, water, shelter, and clothing, parents are supposed to provide security and affection. If they don’t, any shrink will tell you, their children spend the rest of their life looking for what they lacked. Since my father threatened to burn down our house with my mom, brother, and me inside, to kidnap my … Continue reading Chapter 12: How Domestic Violence Affected Me: The Never-Ending Search for Love and Stability: Part One (or Bad Boyfriends and Horrible Bosses: The Sum of My Experiences (Part One))

Chapter 11: How Domestic Violence and My Relationship with a Mama’s Boy Affected Me (Part V: An Outspoken Personality, Problems with Porn, and Trust Issues—or How I Became My Parents)

According to Psych Central, children of alcoholics typically suffer from low self-esteem, wind up in unhealthy relationships, and tolerate behaviors that other people find unacceptable—presumably because they're used to them. It got two out of three right where I'm concerned. If you read my blog post about Facebook Live killer Steve Stephens or any of … Continue reading Chapter 11: How Domestic Violence and My Relationship with a Mama’s Boy Affected Me (Part V: An Outspoken Personality, Problems with Porn, and Trust Issues—or How I Became My Parents)

Intermission: Let’s Play a Little Game of Never Have I Ever

If you’ve been reading my memoir, you know my father beat and choked my mom for 15 years until she and my mentally handicapped, diabetic, epileptic, and autistic brother fled to a domestic violence shelter in 1999. You also know I started dating an alcoholic before I even moved out and that I unwittingly moved in with … Continue reading Intermission: Let’s Play a Little Game of Never Have I Ever

Chapter 10: How Domestic Violence Affected Me (Part IV: Debt and Codependent Relationships)

Breaking up with a blackout drunk in favor of a guy who'd practiced tang soo do for years wasn't a difficult decision. Whereas the latter would protect me if my father tried to kill me as he'd threatened a number of times since he started beating my mom in 1984, the former would wake up … Continue reading Chapter 10: How Domestic Violence Affected Me (Part IV: Debt and Codependent Relationships)

Retail Therapy (Three Ways a Job at the Mall Improved My Self-Esteem—and Why You Shouldn’t Rely on One to Do the Same)

If you lived in a small town pre-internet and f'd up your future by worrying more about your father killing your mom than your grades, you had four job options post-high school graduation: salesperson at the local mall, burger flipper at a fast-food franchise, pump jockey at a gas station, or kennel assistant at a … Continue reading Retail Therapy (Three Ways a Job at the Mall Improved My Self-Esteem—and Why You Shouldn’t Rely on One to Do the Same)

Chapter 7: How Domestic Violence Affected Me (Part I: Sound Sensitivity & Eating Disorders)

At the risk of riling up the self-righteous writers of nearly 2.6 million articles that surface when you click Google's autocomplete suggestion "stop blaming your parents for your problems," the domestic violence I endured as a child affected my adulthood by shaping my personality and impacting both my physical and mental health. For example, much to future … Continue reading Chapter 7: How Domestic Violence Affected Me (Part I: Sound Sensitivity & Eating Disorders)

Intermission: Bishop Noel Jones on Control Freaks, Jealousy, and Selfishness

I started writing CLEvangelism to promote some of the preaching I’ve heard on Radio 1000 since I became a Christian in 2014. It's been helping me get through the tests and trials God is putting me through, so it may help you. In light of the last chapter, I thought I would share what Bishop … Continue reading Intermission: Bishop Noel Jones on Control Freaks, Jealousy, and Selfishness

Chapter Six: Revelations: How My Parents’ Abusive Marriage Ended (in Three Stages)

In one of Ernest Hemingway’s books about bullfighting, an alcoholic told another character that he went bankrupt “[g]radually and then suddenly.” When asked what prompted it, he replied, “Friends. … False friends. Then I had creditors, too.” My parents’ marriage ended the same way for the same reasons. Stage 1: The Proverbial Straw For 15 … Continue reading Chapter Six: Revelations: How My Parents’ Abusive Marriage Ended (in Three Stages)