Two Types of People to Avoid Dating

Earlier this month, I began sharing Christian dating advice, including how to tell if you’re dating a Christian. Here are two types of people to avoid dating. You may be one of them, according to a Dr. Charles Stanley sermon that aired on Sunday.

The First Type: People Who Lack Self-Control

jesus is the only friend you need

“Is there any area of your life that you would consider as being out of control? What about your finances? Are they out of control? What about your moral life? Would you say that’s out of control? What about your relationship with other people? Is it out of control? What about your attitudes toward some people — like jealousy? When you think about your life, is there any area of your life that you say, ‘Well, I think that’s out of control’? For example, you drink. And maybe you take drugs. Or maybe you gamble ‘a little bit,’ you say. And what about gossiping? What about just having a critical spirit? What about being lazy? None of those fit who we are [as Christians]. And that’s why Paul said to the Galatians, ‘The fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, [and] self-control.’ …

How You Can Tell You’re out of Control

tug of war with god

“When things are not right between you and God, it’s like a tug of war. God wants you to do the right thing. You’d like to, but you don’t, and so there’s tension and stress and uneasiness and oftentimes unhappiness, lack of peace, lack of joy, lack of all the things that Paul just mentioned. You see, you cannot be living a life of disobedience to God and have love, joy, peace, goodness, and all the rest. You can’t. You say, ‘Well, I’m sort of happy the way I am.’ Sort of. But you cannot have real happiness, real joy, real peace, real love when you and the lord Jesus Christ are not in agreement about your life. …

Desires That Control People

  1. “The desire for acceptance by others. How strong is [your] desire … to be accepted by everybody else?
  2. “The desire to be loved by others. [How badly] do you want people to love you? That is, have a close relationship [with you]?
  3. I-m-not-here-for-a-long-time-I-m-here-for-a-good-t“What about desire for all types of pleasure? Does that characterize you? That just whatever is fun, whatever makes you feel good for the moment, that’s what you’re looking for?
  4. “What about sex? Do you have sexual desires that are outside the will of God? We’re living in a very sexually oriented society, and Paul lived in a society that was a cesspool of immorality. And so, he knew about it.
  5. “What about desires for wealth and security? Where does that rate on your list of important things?
  6. “What about desires to achieve and to excel? Is that a healthy desire you have, or do you want to excel above other people … [and] be better than [them]?
  7. “What about the desire to have notoriety and fame? You see, this is the reason people do such atrocious things. They’ll get their name on television and their picture in the newspaper, but look what it costs them.
  8. “[W]ould you say that you have a strong desire for happiness? If that’s true, what are you doing to be happy? What are you being to be happy?
  9. trying to look like someone else“What about your desire for personal attractiveness? Is that wrong? No, it’s not wrong, but does that demand a lot of your time, a lot of your thinking? Do you just want to look good or do you want to look better than somebody else? … [Do you think to yourself], ‘If I could just fix my hair like she fixes hers,’ or ‘If I could just dress like she dresses or he dresses’?
  10. “What about a desire to control? Do you have a desire to control other people? …

The Difference Between Self-Control and Being out of Control

“Self-control is basically thinking before you act — which is what a lot of people do not do — thinking before you act and considering seriously the possibility of the results that you’ll have. …

you will not enter the kingdom

“Now, beginning in the 19th verse of the fifth chapter [of Galatians], Paul sort of sets us up for the fruits of the spirit by saying … ‘Now, the deeds of the flesh –‘ Notice what he says. There are fruits of the spirit — that is, these things we just mentioned — love, peace and joy — these attitudes come from the work of the holy spirit within us. But notice how he contrasts that in verse 19 in the fifth chapter. ‘Now, the deeds’ — our actions — ‘of the flesh’ — the way we live — ‘are evident, which are’ — and the first three of them have to do with sexuality. He says, ‘Immorality, impurity, sensuality, then idolatry, sorcery, enmities, strife, jealousy, outbursts of anger, disputes, dissensions, factions, envying, drunkenness, carousing — things like these of which I forewarn you, just as I have forewarned you, that those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.’

if you're always thinking something sexual you're out of control

“Now, watch this verse. You may be seated here or out there somewhere and you’re saying, ‘Then I guess I’m not going to heaven because I’ve done one or all of those things.’ [But] the key [to] this passage is that, ‘I have warned you, those who practice such things.’ And so, I won’t get into the Greek [translation] of the verb here, but what that means is it’s a way of life. Not that it has not happened in your life, because, more than likely, when I look at this list, all of us to some degree, at some time, probably committed one or all of those. But it’s not a practice, so it’s not a way of life for us. When you trusted Jesus Christ, those things do not fit who we are. So he’s saying, ‘Those who practice such things,’ [meaning] it’s their lifestyle. A person who drinks all the time, it’s their lifestyle. A person who’s always into something sexual, it’s their lifestyle. And you can just go down the list. So we’re not saying that a person who does one of these is not going to heaven. but if you’ve come to the place in your life [that] you practice those and it’s the way you think, that’s who you are, it’s because you’re not saved. You can’t live like that continuously and really be saved. …

“When you trusted Jesus Christ as your savior, you turned your back on sin. [That] doesn’t mean that you’ll never sin again, [but you] turned your back on sin. …

walk away from sin

“There’s not anything in your life that you can’t give up when it comes to sin if you are willing to surrender your life to Jesus Christ and tell him, ‘I’ve made a blunder of my life. I’ve messed it up. I’ve hurt other people. I’ve sinned against you, I’ve sinned against myself, sinned against the people I love the most. God, can you help me? Here’s my life.’ Will he help you? [He’ll] change your life, change everything about you. …

The Second Type of Person to Avoid Dating: The Person Who Doesn’t Believe God Exists

don't date people who don't bellieve god exists

“[In Galatians 6:7, Paul says], ‘Don’t be deceived.’ In other words, don’t believe the devil’s lie. In other words, you can’t mock God and say, ‘I don’t believe in God’ and all the rest. Whatever a man sows, he will also reap, whether he believes it or not. ‘God is not mocked, for whatever a man sows, this he will also reap.’ Period. … And think about this: you’ve been sowing something all these years. Now God says you’re going to reap a harvest. …

“The problem is, we hear what he says, but we don’t believe what he says. … It is a dangerous thing to listen to the word of God and then deliberately, willfully, knowingly disobey God. Dangerous. Because whatever a man sows, he’s going to reap. Reap what he sows, more than he sows, and later than he sows. We don’t like that part. [But] just because you’re not having a bad time at this point in your life, and you’ve been getting — you think you’ve been getting away with sin, you haven’t gotten away with it. I’ll tell you why. God loves you too much to let you get [away] with it.”


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