I started writing CLEvangelism to promote some of the preaching I’ve heard on Radio 1000 since I became a Christian in 2014. It’s been helping me get through the tests and trials God is putting me through, so it may help you. In light of the revelations in the last chapter, I thought I would share what Bishop Noel Jones said about the futility of trying to control people. Here are his words, verbatim, and a prelude to upcoming chapters.
Rihanna and Chris Brown’s Relationship
Rihanna did not cause Chris Brown to beat her down. She may have influenced it. She may have set up the situation for it. But she was not the cause. Because if it wasn’t in him, it couldn’t come out of him.
You want to blame me for the way you talk to me. And you want to blame me for how you treat me. And you say, “If you didn’t do me like this, I wouldn’t be like that.” The truth of the matter is, if it wasn’t in you, it couldn’t come out of you. Now, I may have influenced it, but I’m not the cause of it because if it wasn’t deep down inside of you, you’d have done something else.
Abigail and Nabal’s Marriage
So the description of this man, who is standing beside this wonderful, beautiful, feminine [woman], who is not only beautiful in outward appearance but beautiful all the way through, who is actually the cause of joy, and right beside her is a human being that is described as hard to bear. He is stubborn, he is stiff-necked, and he is illiterate. Now, let me tell you something about ignorant. Now, can you imagine having to deal with somebody whose name is fool, whose nature is foolish – and a son of Belial at that? Now, [Belial] means without profit or worthless. And the extension of that word as it developed down through the years becomes wicked, naughty, and ungodly. I want you to see the contrast. On one hand, [Abigail] is witty, brainy, beautiful, mannerable, sweet. And right beside her is the meanest man going.
He is selfish. And I propose to you that selfish people suffer more than anybody in life. Because selfish people are jealous and envious at the same time. … They know nobody but themselves. Nobody exists but them. And they’re jealous because they’re so selfish. They don’t want you to have anything to do with what’s theirs. And at the same time, out of the zeal of selfishness, which stimulates jealousy, comes envy. They don’t want you to have anything to do with what’s theirs. And they don’t want you to have anything that they don’t have. Selfish.
Now, he is so closed that he’s about to lose everything, including his life. This is just the way he is. And to really understand how ugly this is, you’ve got to deal with some folk who don’t see nobody but themselves.
Now, selfish means I’ve got to control. I’ve got to control everything around me. Because jealous people are selfish people who have to control. And they’re going through all the time. They’re suffering all the time. They’re suffering when they don’t see you. They’re suffering when they see you ‘cause they don’t know when they’re not gonna see you. They’re suffering if you’re in the bathroom too long –
** knock, knock, knock, knock **
When you comin’ out? Is there a phone – are you talkin’ on the phone in there?
One of the things we misunderstand … selfishness is a sign of a lack of trust in God. Because what selfishness says is I have to hold this and I have to maintain it or I’ll lose it. Wrong. Anytime you tighten up on something so tight that you begin to choke it, you take the life out of what you’re trying to keep. … Understand this about human beings: Human beings gon’ do what they’re gonna do, and there ain’t nothin’ you can do about it. So it don’t make sense [for you to lose] your mind over what somebody’s doin’ because they’re gonna do what they’re gonna do, and they’re gonna do what they’re gonna do. So you might as well go on and live your life, ask God to watch over you, and let folks do what they’re gonna do. …
I’m tryin’ to help somebody here. You’ve got to learn to release some stuff in order for God to bless you. … And the same way you lock it in, you lock your blessings out. … You’re never so blessed as when you release things because you release it to God.
“There it is. There it is, Lord. I cannot fight over it. I cannot spend sleepless nights over it. I cannot live my life tryin’ to check it. I can’t hunt it down night and day. I am not going to be miserable over somebody else who makes their own decisions.” …
Jealousy destroys relationships, and there’s nothing you can do to change an insecure person. There’s nothing you can do. It’s something in their background that triggered this behavior, and when you met ‘em, they had it. …
Well, it’s five minutes to go to the store. It’s gonna take you 10 minutes to buy the groceries –
It don’t matter whether you can find the stuff or not.
– two minutes to get out of the parking lot … the light’s gonna hold you for 20 seconds. You should be back in 20 minutes.
Here’s what you put with jealousy: Lose. Jealousy: lose, jealousy: lose. Any time you feel like being jealous, always remember, “I’m fixin’ to lose somethin’ behind being jealous. I’m either gonna lose my business, lose my mind, lose my money, lose my sanity.” But there’s nothing but lose with jealousy. Uh-huh. It’s lose. Ain’t nobody keepin’ nothin’ being jealous. Jealousy go with drivin’ stuff away.
Sometimes, I’ve learned, that’s the intent. If you think strangleholds are limited to romantic relationships, you’re either a newbie to dating and just as naïve as I was in the ‘90s, or you’ve never had the displeasure of dating a mama’s boy or the father of a manipulative millennial who has unresolved daddy issues. If the latter, consider yourself lucky (or blessed since Christians don’t believe in luck). If the former, bookmark this blog and take heed.